18. Making Decisions with Confidence as a New Leader
As women, we tend to outsource our decision-making authority to others. This is a result of the socialization we’ve received from a young age, whether it’s bosses, experts, partners, parents, or even friends we might ask for advice. Even when I work with women, they’ll often say they need to ask their husbands if they can make an investment in coaching.
However, now you’re in leadership, you need a new way to start making confident decisions. So, how much of your own authority are you outsourcing? Are you just bouncing ideas off this other person, or are you looking for permission without really realizing it?
Tune in this week to discover why, as women leaders, we tend to outsource our decisions to others. I’m sharing a simple way to start making confident decisions in your life right now, and showing you how to trust yourself more, instead of deferring to other people and their perceived authority.
If you don’t have the time or budget for ongoing coaching but you’re ready to jumpstart your success in your new leadership role, you don’t want to miss my new offer, The Leadership Accelerator. It includes a 90-minute kick-start session, and at the end of this session, you’re going to get a report detailing your strengths and how you can best use them in your role. You’ll also have set a clear goal and some action-steps to take over the next 30 days, two follow-up 30-minute sessions with me, as well as unlimited support on Voxer throughout the month. Sign up before March 31st, 2023, for a 20% discount. Click here to get started!
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
How, as women, we sometimes think men’s authority is more important than our own.
Where to look to see how you’re dimming your inner wisdom in favor of external sources.
Why, as female leaders, we need to learn to access and trust our own intuition.
The feminine voice that lives within all of us that knows what to do.
How to stop listening to everyone around you and start listening to yourself more.
A story from my own life of not listening to my intuition.
3 steps to making decisions for yourself.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
Book a free one-on-one consultation to see if we’re a good fit for 1:1 coaching.
To thank you for being a listener and supporter of The Confident Female Leader, I am sharing a free guided meditation with you! Download your meditation here.
Full Episode Transcript:
Today, we're going to be talking about decision making. Why, as women, we outsource our decisions to others, and I share a simple way that you can start making decisions in your life.
Welcome to The Confident Female Leader podcast. A space for ambitious women stepping into leadership who are ready to take control of their circumstances and own their magic. If you're ready to start shedding your self-doubt, come into your new identity as a leader, and stop consistently undervaluing yourself so you can feel more confident in your role, this show’s for you. I'm Annie Framand, Psychologist, Certified Feminist Coach, and Master Trainer. And I'm on a mission to help women just like you stop overworking, overthinking, and overpleasing, so you can start creating success on your terms. Ready to create your dream life? Let's go.
Hola amigas. How are you? I'm doing so good. This past weekend, I actually celebrated one year with my love. Time flies, seriously. One year with him really felt like one day, it was insane. We're actually planning our vacation together. We're thinking of countries like India and Sri Lanka, Costa Rica, even Oman. So, we're kind of going all over the map here.
I've been to 61 countries, so I've been around, and he's travelled quite a bit as well. We're really starting to think of some really cool options. So, if ever you have any suggestions for us, those would be welcome as we plan our next vacation.
All right. Today, we're talking about decision making. Now, I want you to think about, as women, we tend to outsource our decision-making authority to others. And that is really the way that we have been socialized as women. We tend to outsource to bosses or partners, right? We're going to ask even our friends sometimes for advice. We outsource to experts, even to our parents, when we're grown-ass adults.
Now, it's from what we should wear to which car we should buy. If we should fire this person, or if we should accept this promotion, right? I have so many potential clients on consults, when they get on the call with me to see if we'd be a good fit, a lot of them will say, “Well, I need to ask my husband if I can do this coaching thing.” Now, to me, that's a little bit shocking, because I've personally never asked a partner for permission to invest money in myself or in my business. But for some people, it is a thing.
I'm not making anyone wrong here, for consulting their husbands or their partners or their friends. But what I want you to think about today, is how much of your own authority are you outsourcing? Are you looking for permission from the other person? Or are you just kind of bouncing things off of them and brainstorming with them.
And if you have, obviously, a joint bank account, you might want to consult your partner for large purchases, of course. But as women, we are socialized to think that men's authority is more important than our own authority, that they know better than we do. And unfortunately, that thinking is still prevalent today.
So, what we're going to do today, is start to unpack how you can trust yourself more, how you can follow your inner authority instead of deferring to other people. And how you can stop listening so much to everyone around you and start listening to yourself more.
What happens, as women, is that we have been taught to dim our own inner wisdom and listen to external sources. What I want you to do here is to start to learn to access and trust your own intuition. We want to start doing that more, which is a feminine quality.
When we think of the Yin and the Yang, we all have the feminine, which is the Yin. And the Yang, which is the masculine inside of all of us. What we have tended to do, is to listen to the overly dominant masculine inside of all of us. And that is the experts and the rules and the processes. The things, basically, that work for others, including the bro-dudes in all of us.
What I want you to start thinking of, is how can you access the feminine part of yourself even more, right? That little voice that knows. And if you've caught yourself at any time saying, “Ah, I knew I shouldn't have done that. I knew I should have done this.”
Again, from buying clothes… I've bought some clothes sometimes that I'm like, “Oh, this is so cute,” even though I know it's a style I've never worn or will likely never wear, because it's just not comfortable. I love clothes that look good and that are comfortable.
So, let's say I try something on and I'm like, “This is so cute, but I probably won't wear it. Because it kind of snags or it’s a little bit tight.” And let's say my love is with me or a friend, and they're like, “But it's so cute.” And I'm like, “Well, I'm never going to wear it.” They're like, “Oh, but it's so cute.” Maybe I'll buy it anyway, even though that little voice inside me is like, “Girl, you're never been going to wear that.” Okay? What happens, is I've just spent maybe $50, $100, whatever that may be, on something that's sitting in my closet.
It's the exact same thing with life decisions that are major, or any type of business decision. So, if you've ever heard that little voice inside yourself and you didn't listen… If you're sitting on a panel with some of your colleagues, and you're thinking, “You know, this applicant, there's just something I am not feeling. There's just something that is off in this person.”
You don't know what it is. You're doing your behavioral interview. And at the end of the panel, everyone's in love with this candidate, and you're like, “Yeah, I don’t know,” the little voice inside. But of course, you can't justify ‘little voice inside’ on the scoring in the behavioral interview so you kind of let it go. And it kind of turns out that, by the way, the person lied on their application. And they didn't have the qualifications that they said that they did. Had you listened to your little voice, you maybe would have pushed the references further.
Actually, this happened to me once, a while ago, it was probably about 10 years ago. I was interviewing a candidate for a role. It was the director position; it was actually high level in an organization. I did all the psychometric testing, I did the behavioral interview, and I did all of that. At the end, there's just something that was not sitting with me.
So, what I did, is I asked the company who was taking care of the references to just kind of push it a little bit further. It turns out that even though the guy looked good on paper, and he was great in the interview, and everyone else in the panel was seduced by his charm and personality, it turns out that he had actually faked his bachelor’s diploma. He sent us a photocopy of the diploma, but it was actually fake. He actually never graduated.
When I confronted him with that, he admitted it. And he said that he was a few credits short, which is why he forged the diploma. But he actually never got it. And so, therefore, of course, he was not hired. But had I not listened to that little voice, I probably would have agreed with the rest of the panel that yeah, this guy looks good, right?
Of course, a candidate that lies on their application, for whatever reason, it's probably not the best idea to move forward with them. Because you're probably going to wonder what are they going to lie about later? Or what are they going to forge later?
What I want you to do, is start to think like the CEO of your life, instead of thinking like a supporting character in someone else's story or someone else's life. I'm going to take you through this super simple three-step process that you can do whenever you have a decision to make. And I'm going to give you an example of how this plays out.
Alright, so the first step, CEO, the first step is C - choose, okay? Now, what you want to be doing here, is to trust yourself versus asking for permission, and versus overthinking. Because if we don't listen to that voice within ourselves, what happens is we turn around in circles in our brain, and we overthink all of the options.
I like this quote from an astrologer that I follow, Shannon Gill, and she says, “The answers are all within, we need to make space to receive them.” I find that that is often the case, is that the little voice is there, but we don't hear it. It's so dimmed down because of all of the other noise.
What I want you to ask yourself is, where is this noise coming from? If you're noticing your mind being overactive and you're overthinking, where is the noise coming from? And here, I'm going to suggest that you do a thought download. Which is basically emptying your mind on paper, from all of the conditioning and all of the fears that are standing in your way.
So, it'll take maybe one page, maybe two pages, sometimes even three. I do this usually every morning; I empty out my mind. You don't have to do it necessarily, every morning, although it's a great way to start your morning. Because sometimes we wake up with these fears, these patterns, and this conditioning that follows us throughout the day. But even if you don't do it every day, just do it when you have a decision to make.
Let's say that, for example, you're wondering who you are going to assign a project to. Let's say, you have two individuals in your team, one of them would be ready to take on the project, and you know that they would do it well. And the other individual, you could assign the project to, you know it would be a growth opportunity for them.
And you know that you might have to coach them in order for them to be at the level of the other individual. So, they might make some mistakes. They might not go as fast as the other individual. But you know that it's a great growth opportunity. And if they master this project, if they do it well, it's going to be great for their visibility. It's going to be great for their development.
And now, you're going to be able to have another person that you can dedicate complex projects to. So, you're wondering, who do you assign the project to. The person who's ready now? Or the person who's not quite ready, but who will be, very likely, once this project is over? Let's say that's your decision.
Now, what you want to do, is you want to do a thought download to empty your mind from all of the conditioning and the fears. That means here, that, for example, what you're thinking… And nobody else is going to see this paper, okay? It's really just for you.
You want to sit down, and you want to just start writing, free writing, okay? Like, you know what? I'm scared that this person won't be able to deliver on this project. It's a little bit too complex for them at this time. I'm afraid I won't have time to coach them. I'm afraid that they might fail. Maybe they're going to look bad. Maybe they're going to make me look bad, or the team look bad.
Just write down all of the fears and everything standing in your way. Because often, what happens, is we don't listen to our little voice, to our intuition, because there's a lot of conditioning and fears that are standing in the way. We kind of hear it, but we dim it down ourselves, because we're like, “Yeah, if I listened to that voice, what it would mean, is that I would actually have to face these fears. And I kind of don't want to do that.”
Once you've actually written down all your fears, if any, what you want to do, you want to tap into your body. This is the number one tool that I want to offer you. You'll notice I didn't get into some really complex decision-making matrix. Like, if you're in a large organization, you've got all of those, you've probably been trained on those, and you've probably used them before.
Really, what I'm going to be doing here is inviting you to tap into your body because that is where the answers lie. Especially if you're noticing yourself in your mind a lot, overthinking. Really, the solution to that is to tap into your body and listen to its wisdom. So, you can stop running around in circles in your mind.
Alright, so what you want to do is tap into your body. And if this is a struggle for you, like it is for most of my clients, you will want to download my free meditation. It is on the website. It's five minutes. And it will help you tap into your body, calm down, and just really listen. Okay?
The way that I do this now because I've been practicing it for a while, is I'm able to just close my eyes, take three deep breaths, and I'm able to really just be in my body very quickly. Again, if you're not able to do that, and access the wisdom of your body, as quickly, you'll want to do the free meditation.
Once you've done that, once you're in your body, you'll want to ask yourself the question: Who do I assign this project to? Just ask yourself that question. And then notice, what is your intuition telling you? The intuition can actually be words that you hear, like the actual voice in your mind saying, “Yeah, you know what? You should give the project to the person who's learning. It'd be a great opportunity for them.”
You might actually hear those words once your body has calmed down. And also, that's why I asked you to jot down all your fears at the beginning, because you'll notice that if you haven't done this, you might hear the voice in your head as the fears that you have. Okay? That's why you put those to rest first, and then you ask your body.
Now, the best way to unlock your intuition, is actually to listen to your actual body. Notice, when you ask yourself that question, who do I assign this project to, is there a tightening in your throat or in your stomach? Or do you disconnect? Do you stay in your head and are you not able to access the wisdom of your body? Or do you feel calm?
For myself, I know that when I ask myself a question and my throat gets tight, that is an indication actually that the answer I'm getting is not the right one, because it is pressure filled.
For example, if I would ask myself, who do I assign this project to, and the first name that comes to mind is, let's say, the person for who it's a growth opportunity. And I feel in my throat, the sensation of pressure, I know that I am feeling all of the pressure from all of the things that I would need to do to coach that individual.
So, what you want to do, is listen to the signals in your body. What is your body telling you? If I'm thinking, “I should assign this project to the individual, for who it's a growth opportunity,” and I feel calm about it, that's my answer. You might want to repeat this question over and over again, until you have your final answer.
Because the signals your body might give you initially, might be related to your fears. Which is why, once again, I asked you to jot those down at first. So, this might be a little bit tricky, because if you're not as used to tapping into your body, you might misinterpret some of the signals. Which is why you’ve got to practice this and do it over again. That is the first part; is you really got to choose.
Ask yourself the question. Listen to your body after, of course, lying your fears to rest, and then you just make the call. If you're feeling a disconnection, it might be because you're too much in your head. It might be because you're not able to access your body. It might be because you haven't taken the time to do your thought download.
Or maybe you need some help, actually. Maybe you need a coach, or maybe you need a mentor, or you maybe you need someone to bounce the ideas off of and just listen to you without having them make the decision. At the end, you're going to want to just choose an option; is it the person who's already ready to take on the project? Or is it the person who has the learning curve? You just decide.
Once you've chosen, that's step one, step two of CEO is Experiment. You will experiment. Let's say, you've chosen the person for whom it's a learning curve. Let's say you feel calm about that decision. Then you're going to experiment with it. You're going to give them the project, and you're going to coach them through it.
And then the third step is, you're going to Own the result. What that means is, let's say you've made a “mistake”. I put this one in quotes, because in my opinion, there's never any mistake, it's always a learning opportunity.
So, let's say you made the mistake, and you realize that it probably would have been a better decision to give the project to the person who already knows how to do it. Because it took you a lot longer to coach the person who did not know already how to do the project. Then, just own that result.
Often what happens at this stage, is that we beat ourselves up, and we say we should have known. Listening to the cues in your body doesn't mean that you won't have to readjust along the way, okay?
So, the E of experiment, means that you actually conduct the experiment all the way. You follow your decision. Because often what happens when we realize that is not working out the way that we wanted, is we can course correct. We waste a lot of time doing that. So, you want to just experiment, conduct the experiment all the way. You Own the results.
And then you just evaluate. What went well, what didn't go well? What could I have done differently for the next time? That is what we want to do.
Now, next week, I'm going to walk you through the system that I use to make decisions and access the wisdom of my body. If the instructions I gave you today are easy for you to implement, that's amazing. If you need a bit more help, I will walk you through a system that I use to do this.
There are different systems, and next week, I'll take you through one that works for me and that I've been using for a while now. So, we're going to go a little bit deeper into this, in “Decision Making Part Two”, next week.
If you're loving the podcast don't forget to rate and review it on Apple Podcast and Spotify and everywhere you get your podcast. Of course, I would love for you to share it with a woman you know. Have a great week everyone.
I have a new offer that I’m super excited about. It’s called The Leadership Accelerator. I created this offer for those of you who don’t have the time or the budget for ongoing support for coaching, and you just need a kick-start to help you be successful in your new leadership role. Now, The Leadership Accelerator includes a 90-minute kick-start session.
At the end of this session, you’re going to get a report detailing your strengths and how you can best use them in your role. You’ll also have set a clear goal and some action-steps to take over the next 30 days to reach your goal. Now, we’re going to get really specific on what you need to stop doing and what you need to start doing to be successful in your role.
To help you achieve your goal drama-free you get two follow-up sessions with me, both 30-minute sessions. One halfway through the month and one at the end. In these sessions I’m going to help you remove any blocks that stand in the way of you reaching your goal. And you get unlimited support on Voxer throughout the month, for when you’re feeling stuck in the moment. It’s kind of like having a coach in your pocket.
So, you get all of this for $1,000, minus 20% if you book before March 31st. Now, this is for you if you’re a brand-new leader, so less than six months in your role, who’s navigating the transition from expert to leader. Or, if you’ve been leading for a while, and you’ve tried to navigate this transition on your own but you’re still finding yourself doing all the things yourself, and you want to finally get out of the overthinking, overworking, and people-pleasing trap for good.
Want to know more? Visit my website at www.AnnieFramand.com/workwithme. See you there.
Thanks for listening to The Confident Female Leader podcast. Ready to dismantle the patriarchy with me? Come say “Hi” at AnnieFramand.com to learn more about how you can take this work deeper and apply what you're learning.
Welcome to The Confident Female Leader podcast. A space for ambitious women stepping into leadership who are ready to take control of their circumstances and own their magic. If you're ready to start shedding your self-doubt, come into your new identity as a leader, and stop consistently undervaluing yourself so you can feel more confident in your role, this show’s for you. I'm Annie Framand, Psychologist, Certified Feminist Coach, and Master Trainer. And I'm on a mission to help women just like you stop overworking, overthinking, and overpleasing, so you can start creating success on your terms. Ready to create your dream life? Let's go.
Hola amigas. How are you? I'm doing so good. This past weekend, I actually celebrated one year with my love. Time flies, seriously. One year with him really felt like one day, it was insane. We're actually planning our vacation together. We're thinking of countries like India and Sri Lanka, Costa Rica, even Oman. So, we're kind of going all over the map here.
I've been to 61 countries, so I've been around, and he's travelled quite a bit as well. We're really starting to think of some really cool options. So, if ever you have any suggestions for us, those would be welcome as we plan our next vacation.
All right. Today, we're talking about decision making. Now, I want you to think about, as women, we tend to outsource our decision-making authority to others. And that is really the way that we have been socialized as women. We tend to outsource to bosses or partners, right? We're going to ask even our friends sometimes for advice. We outsource to experts, even to our parents, when we're grown-ass adults.
Now, it's from what we should wear to which car we should buy. If we should fire this person, or if we should accept this promotion, right? I have so many potential clients on consults, when they get on the call with me to see if we'd be a good fit, a lot of them will say, “Well, I need to ask my husband if I can do this coaching thing.” Now, to me, that's a little bit shocking, because I've personally never asked a partner for permission to invest money in myself or in my business. But for some people, it is a thing.
I'm not making anyone wrong here, for consulting their husbands or their partners or their friends. But what I want you to think about today, is how much of your own authority are you outsourcing? Are you looking for permission from the other person? Or are you just kind of bouncing things off of them and brainstorming with them.
And if you have, obviously, a joint bank account, you might want to consult your partner for large purchases, of course. But as women, we are socialized to think that men's authority is more important than our own authority, that they know better than we do. And unfortunately, that thinking is still prevalent today.
So, what we're going to do today, is start to unpack how you can trust yourself more, how you can follow your inner authority instead of deferring to other people. And how you can stop listening so much to everyone around you and start listening to yourself more.
What happens, as women, is that we have been taught to dim our own inner wisdom and listen to external sources. What I want you to do here is to start to learn to access and trust your own intuition. We want to start doing that more, which is a feminine quality.
When we think of the Yin and the Yang, we all have the feminine, which is the Yin. And the Yang, which is the masculine inside of all of us. What we have tended to do, is to listen to the overly dominant masculine inside of all of us. And that is the experts and the rules and the processes. The things, basically, that work for others, including the bro-dudes in all of us.
What I want you to start thinking of, is how can you access the feminine part of yourself even more, right? That little voice that knows. And if you've caught yourself at any time saying, “Ah, I knew I shouldn't have done that. I knew I should have done this.”
Again, from buying clothes… I've bought some clothes sometimes that I'm like, “Oh, this is so cute,” even though I know it's a style I've never worn or will likely never wear, because it's just not comfortable. I love clothes that look good and that are comfortable.
So, let's say I try something on and I'm like, “This is so cute, but I probably won't wear it. Because it kind of snags or it’s a little bit tight.” And let's say my love is with me or a friend, and they're like, “But it's so cute.” And I'm like, “Well, I'm never going to wear it.” They're like, “Oh, but it's so cute.” Maybe I'll buy it anyway, even though that little voice inside me is like, “Girl, you're never been going to wear that.” Okay? What happens, is I've just spent maybe $50, $100, whatever that may be, on something that's sitting in my closet.
It's the exact same thing with life decisions that are major, or any type of business decision. So, if you've ever heard that little voice inside yourself and you didn't listen… If you're sitting on a panel with some of your colleagues, and you're thinking, “You know, this applicant, there's just something I am not feeling. There's just something that is off in this person.”
You don't know what it is. You're doing your behavioral interview. And at the end of the panel, everyone's in love with this candidate, and you're like, “Yeah, I don’t know,” the little voice inside. But of course, you can't justify ‘little voice inside’ on the scoring in the behavioral interview so you kind of let it go. And it kind of turns out that, by the way, the person lied on their application. And they didn't have the qualifications that they said that they did. Had you listened to your little voice, you maybe would have pushed the references further.
Actually, this happened to me once, a while ago, it was probably about 10 years ago. I was interviewing a candidate for a role. It was the director position; it was actually high level in an organization. I did all the psychometric testing, I did the behavioral interview, and I did all of that. At the end, there's just something that was not sitting with me.
So, what I did, is I asked the company who was taking care of the references to just kind of push it a little bit further. It turns out that even though the guy looked good on paper, and he was great in the interview, and everyone else in the panel was seduced by his charm and personality, it turns out that he had actually faked his bachelor’s diploma. He sent us a photocopy of the diploma, but it was actually fake. He actually never graduated.
When I confronted him with that, he admitted it. And he said that he was a few credits short, which is why he forged the diploma. But he actually never got it. And so, therefore, of course, he was not hired. But had I not listened to that little voice, I probably would have agreed with the rest of the panel that yeah, this guy looks good, right?
Of course, a candidate that lies on their application, for whatever reason, it's probably not the best idea to move forward with them. Because you're probably going to wonder what are they going to lie about later? Or what are they going to forge later?
What I want you to do, is start to think like the CEO of your life, instead of thinking like a supporting character in someone else's story or someone else's life. I'm going to take you through this super simple three-step process that you can do whenever you have a decision to make. And I'm going to give you an example of how this plays out.
Alright, so the first step, CEO, the first step is C - choose, okay? Now, what you want to be doing here, is to trust yourself versus asking for permission, and versus overthinking. Because if we don't listen to that voice within ourselves, what happens is we turn around in circles in our brain, and we overthink all of the options.
I like this quote from an astrologer that I follow, Shannon Gill, and she says, “The answers are all within, we need to make space to receive them.” I find that that is often the case, is that the little voice is there, but we don't hear it. It's so dimmed down because of all of the other noise.
What I want you to ask yourself is, where is this noise coming from? If you're noticing your mind being overactive and you're overthinking, where is the noise coming from? And here, I'm going to suggest that you do a thought download. Which is basically emptying your mind on paper, from all of the conditioning and all of the fears that are standing in your way.
So, it'll take maybe one page, maybe two pages, sometimes even three. I do this usually every morning; I empty out my mind. You don't have to do it necessarily, every morning, although it's a great way to start your morning. Because sometimes we wake up with these fears, these patterns, and this conditioning that follows us throughout the day. But even if you don't do it every day, just do it when you have a decision to make.
Let's say that, for example, you're wondering who you are going to assign a project to. Let's say, you have two individuals in your team, one of them would be ready to take on the project, and you know that they would do it well. And the other individual, you could assign the project to, you know it would be a growth opportunity for them.
And you know that you might have to coach them in order for them to be at the level of the other individual. So, they might make some mistakes. They might not go as fast as the other individual. But you know that it's a great growth opportunity. And if they master this project, if they do it well, it's going to be great for their visibility. It's going to be great for their development.
And now, you're going to be able to have another person that you can dedicate complex projects to. So, you're wondering, who do you assign the project to. The person who's ready now? Or the person who's not quite ready, but who will be, very likely, once this project is over? Let's say that's your decision.
Now, what you want to do, is you want to do a thought download to empty your mind from all of the conditioning and the fears. That means here, that, for example, what you're thinking… And nobody else is going to see this paper, okay? It's really just for you.
You want to sit down, and you want to just start writing, free writing, okay? Like, you know what? I'm scared that this person won't be able to deliver on this project. It's a little bit too complex for them at this time. I'm afraid I won't have time to coach them. I'm afraid that they might fail. Maybe they're going to look bad. Maybe they're going to make me look bad, or the team look bad.
Just write down all of the fears and everything standing in your way. Because often, what happens, is we don't listen to our little voice, to our intuition, because there's a lot of conditioning and fears that are standing in the way. We kind of hear it, but we dim it down ourselves, because we're like, “Yeah, if I listened to that voice, what it would mean, is that I would actually have to face these fears. And I kind of don't want to do that.”
Once you've actually written down all your fears, if any, what you want to do, you want to tap into your body. This is the number one tool that I want to offer you. You'll notice I didn't get into some really complex decision-making matrix. Like, if you're in a large organization, you've got all of those, you've probably been trained on those, and you've probably used them before.
Really, what I'm going to be doing here is inviting you to tap into your body because that is where the answers lie. Especially if you're noticing yourself in your mind a lot, overthinking. Really, the solution to that is to tap into your body and listen to its wisdom. So, you can stop running around in circles in your mind.
Alright, so what you want to do is tap into your body. And if this is a struggle for you, like it is for most of my clients, you will want to download my free meditation. It is on the website. It's five minutes. And it will help you tap into your body, calm down, and just really listen. Okay?
The way that I do this now because I've been practicing it for a while, is I'm able to just close my eyes, take three deep breaths, and I'm able to really just be in my body very quickly. Again, if you're not able to do that, and access the wisdom of your body, as quickly, you'll want to do the free meditation.
Once you've done that, once you're in your body, you'll want to ask yourself the question: Who do I assign this project to? Just ask yourself that question. And then notice, what is your intuition telling you? The intuition can actually be words that you hear, like the actual voice in your mind saying, “Yeah, you know what? You should give the project to the person who's learning. It'd be a great opportunity for them.”
You might actually hear those words once your body has calmed down. And also, that's why I asked you to jot down all your fears at the beginning, because you'll notice that if you haven't done this, you might hear the voice in your head as the fears that you have. Okay? That's why you put those to rest first, and then you ask your body.
Now, the best way to unlock your intuition, is actually to listen to your actual body. Notice, when you ask yourself that question, who do I assign this project to, is there a tightening in your throat or in your stomach? Or do you disconnect? Do you stay in your head and are you not able to access the wisdom of your body? Or do you feel calm?
For myself, I know that when I ask myself a question and my throat gets tight, that is an indication actually that the answer I'm getting is not the right one, because it is pressure filled.
For example, if I would ask myself, who do I assign this project to, and the first name that comes to mind is, let's say, the person for who it's a growth opportunity. And I feel in my throat, the sensation of pressure, I know that I am feeling all of the pressure from all of the things that I would need to do to coach that individual.
So, what you want to do, is listen to the signals in your body. What is your body telling you? If I'm thinking, “I should assign this project to the individual, for who it's a growth opportunity,” and I feel calm about it, that's my answer. You might want to repeat this question over and over again, until you have your final answer.
Because the signals your body might give you initially, might be related to your fears. Which is why, once again, I asked you to jot those down at first. So, this might be a little bit tricky, because if you're not as used to tapping into your body, you might misinterpret some of the signals. Which is why you’ve got to practice this and do it over again. That is the first part; is you really got to choose.
Ask yourself the question. Listen to your body after, of course, lying your fears to rest, and then you just make the call. If you're feeling a disconnection, it might be because you're too much in your head. It might be because you're not able to access your body. It might be because you haven't taken the time to do your thought download.
Or maybe you need some help, actually. Maybe you need a coach, or maybe you need a mentor, or you maybe you need someone to bounce the ideas off of and just listen to you without having them make the decision. At the end, you're going to want to just choose an option; is it the person who's already ready to take on the project? Or is it the person who has the learning curve? You just decide.
Once you've chosen, that's step one, step two of CEO is Experiment. You will experiment. Let's say, you've chosen the person for whom it's a learning curve. Let's say you feel calm about that decision. Then you're going to experiment with it. You're going to give them the project, and you're going to coach them through it.
And then the third step is, you're going to Own the result. What that means is, let's say you've made a “mistake”. I put this one in quotes, because in my opinion, there's never any mistake, it's always a learning opportunity.
So, let's say you made the mistake, and you realize that it probably would have been a better decision to give the project to the person who already knows how to do it. Because it took you a lot longer to coach the person who did not know already how to do the project. Then, just own that result.
Often what happens at this stage, is that we beat ourselves up, and we say we should have known. Listening to the cues in your body doesn't mean that you won't have to readjust along the way, okay?
So, the E of experiment, means that you actually conduct the experiment all the way. You follow your decision. Because often what happens when we realize that is not working out the way that we wanted, is we can course correct. We waste a lot of time doing that. So, you want to just experiment, conduct the experiment all the way. You Own the results.
And then you just evaluate. What went well, what didn't go well? What could I have done differently for the next time? That is what we want to do.
Now, next week, I'm going to walk you through the system that I use to make decisions and access the wisdom of my body. If the instructions I gave you today are easy for you to implement, that's amazing. If you need a bit more help, I will walk you through a system that I use to do this.
There are different systems, and next week, I'll take you through one that works for me and that I've been using for a while now. So, we're going to go a little bit deeper into this, in “Decision Making Part Two”, next week.
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Thanks for listening to The Confident Female Leader podcast. Ready to dismantle the patriarchy with me? Come say “Hi” at AnnieFramand.com to learn more about how you can take this work deeper and apply what you're learning.
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